“Hire a teenager while they still know everything…”

In 1980, my mother hung a sign in her kitchen that said, “Hire a teenager while they still know everything.” Now that I have two teenagers at home, I love this quote. Have you had conversations with your teenager where you question every word and action due to the increased “feedback” from your kids? Parenting a peak performer is a unique role requiring a skill set of patience, energy, and grit! So, why do they behave this way, and what can we do about it?

From a developmental perspective, the brain systems responsible for motivation, reward, and emotional reactivity mature earlier than the regions that support impulse control, perspective-taking, and flexible thinking. This imbalance can help explain why peak-performing youth may appear perfectionistic, emotionally reactive, or rigid despite high levels of competence. In other words, they don’t have the full capacity to think before acting.

Cognitive (or thinking) development also plays a role, as many high performers think in all-or-nothing terms and tie self-worth closely to outcomes rather than effort or growth. These kids have an intense inner drive for perfection (including getting the last word in conversations). As they try to understand the world around them, they fight to be right about their opinions. This is why we see political activism begin for most in their teenage years.

Understanding these brain and developmental factors allows parents to respond with greater empathy and intention. With the right support, parents can help their children build resilience, emotional regulation, and a healthier relationship with performance—without diminishing ambition or drive. AND…as I told my son the other day, I do know a little bit about the world!